The Magical Regurgitating Toilet Bowl

Warning: The following post may find the subject of the following post distasteful. If you cannot stomach gross topics, I suggest you stop reading this post now.

We got a day off yesterday due to the annual Victorian holiday, the Melbourne Cup. Being a typical Pinoy couple that we are, we spent the day at the mall where we had our lunch, watched a movie (the Exorcism of Emily Rose is a great movie, by the way), bought some clothes and read books and magazines at Borders.

When we got home though, we were greeted by a nasty surprise in our bathroom. There is this humongous turd in our toilet bowl! After some discussion between Raquel and me, we agreed that it didn’t belong to neither of us.

How do we know that? Here are a couple of reasons. One of which was that the toilet was excrement-free when we left for the mall. And didn’t I already said that the turd was humongous? It was big enough that neither of us would have the abdominal strength to expel such a monstrosity from our bowels.

Well, once we’ve established that it wasn’t from either of us, we sought to come up with an explanation for the virgin turd. At first we thought that maybe there was an intruder and decided to use the toilet but forgot to flush. But, nothing was missing from the house. The intruder could’ve easily taken the laptop at the very least but it was still there when we got home. Or maybe the intruder just really really needed to use the toilet. That was unlikely though.

So, we thought that maybe the landlord decided just decided to drop by to inspect the apartment, had a dump and just forgot to flush. That, too, was unlikely because the landlord should’ve given us prior notice that he/she would be dropping by. And he/she would’ve left an inspection report of some sort.

The only explanation we can justify is a phenomenon we dubbed as the Magical Regurgitating Toilet Bowl. When we get home from work and we look at the toilet bowl, we notice that the water is a bit yellowish. We concluded that maybe, just maybe, the contents of the sewage get partially regurgitated back into the toilet bowl’s basin. We then hypothesised that maybe, yesterday, the sewage reflux was stronger than usual that it regurgitated not only sewage fluids, as is usually the case, but a whole whopping turd.

Having an explanation for it didn’t make us feel any better though. The image of that unwelcomed turd may forever be emblazoned onto our eyes. Whenever we have to go to the toilet, we are now forever reminded of that eventful turd. Curse that turd!